A Ski Story

by | Feb 1, 2013 | Features

Story by Dr. David Bachman

In “days gone by,” Spring was the time of year for planning an annual ski trip – usually to the slopes of Colorado – Snow Mass, Breckenridge, Vail or Beaver Creek.
Unfortunately, some things must be relegated to the “used to do” bin — not that I couldn’t still ski – like any other sport, once learned, the technique stays with you.
My concern is the possibility of falling and breaking a bone – those things just don’t heal as well at my age. I am left with fond memories of days on the slopes.
Every once in awhile, I hear a ski story that is hilarious.
This story was told to me by a friend who returned from the ski slopes in Utah – supposedly, it is a true story.
Conditions were perfect – 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over – a “tell me when we’re having fun” day.
One of the women in a group of skiers complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry – there sure was a “pit stop” at the top of the lift for females in distress.
He was wrong, no restroom – and the wife’s pain and urgency worsened!
If you ever have had the panic button pushed, then you know that a temperature of 12 degrees below doesn’t’ help matters.
With time running out, lady skier weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on his wife’s distress, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and “do her thing” — no one would notice her — the all white outfit a perfect camouflage.
The dear lady made a mad dash to the woods to do what was needed.
Now if you’ve ever parked on the side of a slope, you know there is a right and a wrong way to set your skis so you don’t move.
Yup, you got it! Lady skier, since she had no time, positioned the skis in the wrong direction and at the most embarrassing moment — her pants down around her knees and without warning, she found herself out of control and skiing backwards down the hill– picking up speed all the while.

She continued skiing backwards, creating a most unusual sight for the other skiers.Herpantsweredowntoherknees, skier skiing nude and backward under the lift, finally colliding violently with a pylon.
The bad news: she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.
At long last her husband arrived, put an end to the nude show and summoned the ski patrol for her transportation to the hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to our lady “nudist.”

“So how did you break your leg?” asked she to him, trying to make small talk.
He replied: “It was the darndest thing I ever saw. I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn’t believe my eyes — there was this crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift.”
Then he asked, “So how did you break your arm?”

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