Cry Me a Snowflake

by | Mar 1, 2010 | Every Day Life

I so hope that by the time you read this it is a beautiful, crisp, spring day, because right now it is freezing and the ground is covered in six inches of snow. However, the sun is shining and it looks stunning from inside my warm house.
For the last two days I have been torn with mixed emotions — just about every hour or so I am on the verge of tears.
Let me stop and explain that tears and I are well acquainted. I cry at everything. When I am happy, I cry. When I am grateful, I cry. When I am angry, I cry. When I laugh, I cry. When I am scared, I cry (and sometimes cuss. I really need to stop doing that.) Anyway, I just keep feeling overwhelmed.
“By what?” you might ask. “By absolutely nothing,” I would answer. Yep, I knew if I wrote about this it would happen – I am crying!
You see, my “nothing” is two days with a yard full of snow and not one child in my house to play in it. Not one child in my house at all! I sit here all alone.
Now some of you moms who have just survived these two days of no school and tons of snow, with a gazillion kids in and out of your house are thinking, “I would kill for some alone time.”

I think the real problem is that this is my first snow with no kids. This is the first snow fall ever with no big pot of hot chocolate on the stove; no foyer covered in beach towels to
collect snow covered boots; no pantry being emptied of food at the speed of light. (Boys don’t eat food, they inhale it).
There is also no dryer running endlessly getting kids ready for the next adventure outside and no excursions outside to take pictures, risking a bombardment of snowballs for just one picture.
Ever since my youngest went off to college this past fall, I have had a lot of first with no kids. I also have cried a lot of tears. But it had gotten much better and I was actually enjoying my quite house. It is nice doing weekly loads of laundry instead of daily loads. My sink no longer seems to suffer from spontaneously giving birth to dirty dishes. And probably best of all, if I want to go to bed at 8:30 in the evening I can and I do.
Still, every once in a while I long for my babies to be home. I miss them terribly. Snow days are one of those times.

At this point in my story I need to throw in the big “on the other hand” — which is causing my roller coaster of emotions. Here it is: I know that if in fact my boys were home I would be ready by now for them to leave. I would very quickly get my Bentley boy- fix and be ready to send them on their way. Because, not only do I remember all the fun of snow days, but I also remember how exhausted I was by the end of the day. So one minute I want them home and the next I am glad they are not here.
What kind of mom does that make me? The answer is: ‘normal.’ I am a mom who has the blessings of joyous memories of snow days past, and I mull over them lovingly and longingly now that they are gone.
I am also a mom who has done her “time” during snow days past. I am a mom who has exhausted herself making those awesome memories. So I will sit here all alone reminiscing about a season of my life that is past, knowing that the memories tugging on my heart are evidence that we did those days “up right”.

So, for all you moms who have years of snow days ahead of you, I have a little advice — attempt in the midst of the madness to stop and take a good look around. See the joy in your children’s faces, the beauty of the snow, the fleeting of these moments. I know that sometimes the sink full of hot chocolate mugs, a laundry room pile high with snow clothes, and an empty cupboard that needs restocking can consume all our time.
There will come a day when you will be sitting here like me: an empty sink, a clean laundry room floor and plenty of snack foods waiting to be eaten. When that time comes for you I hope your snow day memories put a huge smile on your face and tears of joy and longing in your heart.
I think maybe it is time for me to try a cup of ‘hot chocolate for one.’

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