A Snake Story

by | Feb 1, 2013 | Features

Story by Dr. David Bachman

Green garden snakes can be dangerous – they can present problems.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had an experience with one of those green little things they will never forget.
They had a number of potted plants on their patio, during a cold spell, the wife decided to bring them indoors to protect them from possible freeze.
It so happened, a little green grass snake was hidden in one of the plants; then when it had warmed up, it slithered out, the wife sawitgounderthesofa–sheletouta horrendous Texas scream heard all over the neighborhood
Her husband, who was taking a shower, ran into the living room naked to see what had frightened his wife.
Good wife told him there was a snake under the sofa and yelled at him to get rid of the thing.
Husband got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for the thing. At about that time, the family dog came and cold nosed his naked rear – he literally went bezerk – thinking the snake had bitten him; in fact, he fainted.
His wife thought he had a heart attack and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded the husband on a stretcher and started carrying him out of the house. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa – one of the emergency medical technicians saw the thing, and dropped his end of the stretcher – that’s when the husband broke his leg and was admitted to the hospital.

Despite all this, the wife still had the problem of having the snake in her house, so she called on a neighbor man – he volunteered to capture the snake.

Good neighbor armed himself with a rolled up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided the thing had gone and so told the wife, who sat down on the sofa in exhausted relief.
While relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion, where she felt the snake wriggling around – she screamed and fainted and the snake rushed back under the sofa – the neighbor man, seeing the woman lying there passed out tried to revive her with CPR.
The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth. She slammed her husband on the back of his head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches; so, the ambulance again was called, since the neighbor wife determined hospitalization was required.
The noise of the canned goods hitting the man woke the fainted woman. She saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him and assumed the snake had bitten him.
She scurried to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey and began pouring it down the man’s throat.
By now the police had arrived – they saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

Soon thereafter the ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
About that time, the little snake crawled out from under the couch – one of the policemen drew his gun and fired it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of an end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered, and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog,
The mutt was startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house commenced blazing.
Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder when they were halfway down the street – the raising ladder tore out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity, thereby disconnecting telephones in a 10-square block area.

About a year later, the original couple was watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.
The husband asked his wife if she though they should bring in their plants for the night…
She shot him dead!

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